Underwood Scotch and Wry Ch 32 pt 3

Brian-Head-Shot-for-ExtremelyAvgThe first hour was filled with comments on how they had each gotten old, talk of family, and a lengthy discussion of tennis. Arthur was a fan mostly because of Robert. They had met in college where Robert was a walk-on in tennis. He hadn’t had delusions of being able to play professionally, but it kept him in shape and let him date a crazy hot Czechoslovakian who was on the women’s team. Arthur dated several of her friends, who were also disturbingly attractive.

The stories started after that. Each tale was old, worn, and funnier than the one before. They called them the eighty percent. It was a reference to the oft made comment by the wives of the college friends, who complained of how they always rehashed the same memories. The good stories, the eighty percent were the ones that couldn’t be told in their presence in order to protect the guilty.

With tears in his eyes, Arthur said, “Stop, I need a break. The llama story always makes me laugh until I’ve had a world class ab workout.”

“It’s one of my favorites, too. So, are you still chasing women far too young for you?”

“I’ve lost a step, so now I have to settle for the few who chase me.”

“You always did need a wingman.”

“In the history of wingman, you were an Ace. I remember that tournament you played at in Lakeland Florida. Was that the summer of our sophomore year?”

“I think it was between junior and senior year, but yeah, it was crazy. If I recall, we were telling people that you were a star on the European tour and were in town giving me some coaching.”

Arthur started laughing again and said, “Yeah, you kept adding in details that were hard to deal with.”

“Didn’t I say you were fluent in Russian, Chinese, and what was the third?”

“First of all, it wasn’t Russian, it was Romanian, and that blonde with the spectacular tits wouldn’t stop until I said something. I had to make up something…”

“You did, and she bought it.”

“Yeah, but that wasn’t the funny part, you said I was also fluent in Australian, and she didn’t get the joke.”

“She was the joke.”

“Very true and…” Arthur was interrupted by his phone. “Hey Wen, what’s up?”

“It’s really bad. Things have gotten worse.”

“Just a second, let me go outside, I can’t hear you,” Arthur said, holding up a finger to let Robert know he would be right back. He went outside. The darkness was a surprise. “Okay, I can hear you now.”

“This woman called me and asked if I had ever been pressured into inappropriate relations with you.”

“I can think of several things that were inappropriate, who knew you were so bendy.”

“This is serious.”

“Okay, sorry, what did you say?”

“Nothing, at first, well, I said ‘no comment’, but then that sounded like there was something to hide. I tried to explain that I found the whole line of questioning absurd. She told me that a former TA of yours had come forward with a complaint that you took advantage of her.”


“She didn’t say, but I got the impression it might have been that woman with Cheryl in the picture.”

“That’s ridiculous, if anything, Crystal took advantage of me. She was a little…”

“I don’t want to hear the details.”

“Sorry, go on.”

“Anyway, this reporter started comparing you to Jerry Sandusky and making all sorts of accusations.”

Arthur didn’t say anything. His little problem just got a lot bigger. “Are the vultures still circling about the house?”

“There were thirty of them today. They’re are rumors you’ve fled the country. It had gotten out of hand. When are you coming back?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t.”

Wen was quiet for a bit and then said, “You’re not serious, are you?”

“Don’t worry, I was just kidding. I’d miss you, too.”

Her voice changed back from sad to chipper and she said, “I’m glad because there are still a few inappropriate things I haven’t shown you.”

“You little minx. Okay, I’ve got to get back to my buddy. I’m having lunch with someone tomorrow and then I’ll get on the road.”

“Good. I’ll see you in a couple of days, then. Stay out of trouble.”

“I’ll do my best.”

MZazeela like.author.displayName 1 Like

Fluent in Australian!


I think it's "in the history of wingmen", but not sure.  Do love any mention of a little minx!

StephanieBerget like.author.displayName 1 Like

I agree Betsy, but he'll want to clear his name. Wait, I'm not sure he can do that.

BetsyKCross like.author.displayName 1 Like

i always ask myself, "Why fight for a job where you will always end up feeling uncomfortable?"  He ought to quit and be a full-time writer. Life is too short, as they say. :)