Underwood Scotch and Wry Ch 19

Brian-Head-Shot-for-ExtremelyAvgKurt and Wen set up the computer while Arthur paced around the living room. Maltese seemed very pleased with the printer box and had curled up inside. “How’s it going,” Arthur asked like an expectant parent.

Kurt smiled, “Worry not Dr. B, you’re brand new bouncing baby HP is almost ready to take its first breath.”

Wen said, “Would you like us to set up your browser, twitter and everything?’

“Oh by all means, set up everything. Scan the internet far and wide for all that might intrigue or insipre.”

Kurt said, “So porn then?”

“Good God, no, I can’t imagine having any of that wretched filth on my lovely new computer…maybe just a little.”

Kurt laughed and Wen did too, though more nervously.

“I jest fair Lou. You may put whatever is normal and respectable onto my new toy.”

“Here you go Dr. B, she is all yours.”

Arthur sat at the computer and with nary a sign of trepidation, typed his first home tweet, “My exceedingly able TAs have helped me buy and set up a new computer, Hooray!!!”

Wen, looking over his shoulder, said, “That is a lot of enthusiasm, for you.”

“I’m feeling puckish.”

Kurt grabbed another piece of pizza. “Thanks for the pepperoni and sausage, Dr. B.”

“Thanks for escorting me into the modern era. Now what?”

Wen said, “How about we show you Foursquare?”

“I love Foursquare. I’m the Mayor of Tony’s Subs.”

“Okay, I had heard of Twitter, but what is Foursquare?”

Wen said, “It’s more of a game for your phone, but you can sign up, online. Here give me your phone and I’ll start downloading the app.”

Kurt helped Arthur signup for the game and then suggested they go try it out. “What do we do?”

“We go to the bars and check in.”

“Are you saying that in order to further my social media education, I will need to go to the bars?”

“I am.”

“If people only knew how I suffered for you students.”

Wen said, “Okay, here you go. I’ve already followed us, on your behalf.”

Kurt said, “And I’ve already accepted.”

“We follow people on Foursquare, too?”

“We follow people on everything,” said Wen with a wink.

“Then I must, in an entirely unsanctioned by the school sort of way, say, to the pub.”

Having gone a day without drink, Arthur decided it was best to ease into sobriety with tiny steps and possibly a few stops completely. He would take Sunday and possibly Monday, off. Kurt drove, because they could all go together.

Arthur bought the first round, unofficially, and Wen showed him how to check in to the Pit.

The Saturday night crowd was enthusiastically singing along to CCR. Arthur waved as he saw Eric, “Excuse me my young enablers, but I must go chat with a colleague.”

Eric said, “Word on the street is that you were conspicuously absent from the Pit last evening.”

“Let the gossips waggle their tongues until they turn blue, I’ve got other news, but I’m sure it pales by comparison to yours. You may begin with the sordid details and work your way back to dinner.”

“Dinner was lovely. Emily and I have a nice time.”

“You skipped the good stuff. Since when do you hold out on me?”

“I’m not holding out, there is nothing to tell. We had a nice time and then I took her home.”

“It is rare that I feel compelled to break out balderdash, but balderdash!”

“You are in high spirits. You rarely go Elizabethan on me anymore, so what is your news?”

“Did you get even so much as a kiss good night and a gentle tug at her ample bosom?”

“What, are we in 18th century high school?”

“Perhaps we are,” Arthur said and ordered a scotch.

“We talked. She is very bright and knows a lot about things I enjoy.”

“You are being uncharacteristically vague, which can only mean one thing, you blew it.”

“I really did.”

“What did you do?”

“I think I bored her.”

“You bore everyone, but I thought you hit it off so well the other night.”

“I thought so, too.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re short, women don’t like short guys. You really should look into getting lengthened.”

“They really don’t, but I think it was just me.”

“I was kidding about the bore, thing, you’re a charming and educated hobbit sized man.”

“She is taller than me.”

“You can’t trust tall women.”

“I did like her though.”

“Well, let’s drink and cast aspersions in her general direction. Barkeep, bring me whiskey for may man here…and beer for my horses.”

“So, what is your news?”

“It’s a double feature.”

“Could I just get the trailers?”

“Sure. I bought a home computer and I intend to use it.”

“That is fantastic on many levels.”

“What levels might those be?”

“You really need one and I’ve been enduring your mockery of technology for years, payback is going to be a whole pack of female dogs.”

“Ha! And deservedly so, some of my best snark was over your love of every God damn gadget that came out. I will gladly take your best shots,” he said with a slight bow.

“I’ll get back to you, I’m sort of…”

Emily came through the door and spotted them. She came over all smiles and loveliness. “Gentlemen, how are you this evening?”

Arthur said, “I’m dandy, we were just discussing your date.”

“We had a nice time. The food was delicious. I wasn’t sure if it was a date or not.” she said, smiling at Eric, “You didn’t even make a move.”

Eric said, “You were out of the car pretty quickly.”

“I suppose I was, maybe it was one too many glasses of wine. I had a great time, though,” she said and pecked him on the cheek. “Okay, boys, what are we drinking?”

Arthur looked at Eric and then Emily and said, “This is a little more festive than the other night?”

“I like to start off with demure before I drink my new colleagues under the table like a Russian sailor on shore leave,” she said and then flagged down the bartender, “Excuse me miss, three shots of Grey Goose.”

The shots came and went and then some more showed up. When Eric excused himself, Emily turned to Arthur and said, “So, why did you stop writing?”

“Many women have asked me that very question.”

“And what did you say?”

“I said, maybe you should get dressed and get back to your boyfriend or husband, depending upon the circumstances.”

“Well, these are entirely different circumstances, aren’t they?”

“Are they?”

“I’m wearing all my clothes.”

“Yes, and that fact alone, puts you at a decided disadvantage.”

“Did you just forget how?”

“Yes, that was it.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I rarely lie…no, that’s not true.”

“Is there a deep dark secret?”

“Hardly. Sometimes people run out of ideas, that is all.”


“Bovine excrement, really? And from such a fine looking Russian sailor.”

“Das, bullshit. What’s the real reason?”

“What do you think of my fine friend Eric?”

“He’s nice,” she said, and asked, “Does he know why you’ve quit?”

“He would never tell, well, unless YOU were naked in his bed, then I imagine he’d give up the launch codes.”

“I’ve read your last book and the articles you did before that, you’re a good writer.”

“He would probably tell you his bank account routing number, too.”

“Admittedly, not as good a writer as you are wingman.”

“I’m sure he’d give you his car.”

“Fine, I’ll figure it out some other way.”

Eric returned and asked if he had missed anything. Arthur assured him he had not.


Eric "payback is going to be a whole pack of female dogs".


I suspect payback may come from a number of different directions.


I'm waiting to understand where Emily fits into the situation other than as an interesting subplot?

tomstronach like.author.displayName 1 Like

Ah, Arthur thank you for the reference to CCR, but I see it may have been a little obscure for some and I agree with @StephanieBerget - I'm feeling, well just feeling more and more for Arthur and @barrettrossie has excellent taste Charles Laughton is one of my fav silver screen idols and his one liner put downs were always delivered with such impeccable imperiousness that leave you gasping in wonder, even when watched today ...


I think there  must be a nth degree of separation going on here somehow in that I had just watched an old movie with him and checked out his bio (LAUGHTON) and then he was mentioned on here and elsewhere @JuliaRBarrett did a post on Occam's Razor and turning the pages on a book I was reading yesterday, the author preceded each chapter with a quote, and what should the quote be for this next chapter to be read - Occam's Razor


I wonder if I am being messed with ......... 

BetsyKCross like.author.displayName 1 Like

Aghhh! Getting confused! LOL!

ExtremelyAvg moderator like.author.displayName 1 Like

 @BetsyKCross Why are you confused?

BetsyKCross like.author.displayName 1 Like

 @ExtremelyAvg Ha! I'm rarely clear. Sorry. Conversations are fun. I was caught up in the conversation and forgot who was saying what. Not your fault! Great writing.

BetsyKCross like.author.displayName 1 Like

 @ExtremelyAvg It wasn't too bad. Got a mental break from the computer. Actually finished a book!

ExtremelyAvg moderator

 @BetsyKCross That is terrible. Obviously, your power is back on, now. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Ugh.

StephanieBerget like.author.displayName 1 Like

You are creating Arthur as a well-rounded, funny, pain in the ass. I love him more each day. I've got to say, you have a gift for sarcasm.